Who am i ?

Got a good lesson yesterday from a friend.Needed that one from a long time. Sometimes you just need to be happy without having anyone with you. And That is VERY VERY important for the soul to be liberated from dependancy and that longing for that someone to vent out our everyday defeats, long enduring struggles and fears of an extremely uncertain future to give us hope and instill faith like noone else can. And its not a great feat when u do this when u are alone, left with noone else, but when u have some souls who still care, yet u can be happy when ur with urself. You must live life with great passion and love in your heart without the fear that someone will break your trust or hurt your feelings and disappoint you. Eventually, well that will happen, or maybe not. But the point is You forgive as you journey through life, you forget some things that hurt you in the past, and sometimes you dont really forget them but you can just choose to walk away from those hurtful people or those memories. Of all the years that i have so far lived, have come face to face with affection, jealousy, anger, genuine friendship, strength of character , leadership and being a role model, importance of family, trustworthiness, love, care, selfishness, diplomacy and so many other emotions, learnings and different kinds of people who have played such an important role in my lifes story. Somehow i stand with all these , all these memories, learnings, meaningful and non-meaningful relationships, and somehow i am overwhelmed. I gather these plethora of emotions within me and i finally grow a little more today. I realise 'letting go' is what we do all the time, sometimes it must also be done when ur not ready, and sometimes is really an 'all or none principle' that works. I realise that my happiness is not dependant on whether i have someone to talk to or not ,because if i really need to talk it out , God has always taken care of it for me, have found someone or the other. I realise that real dreams are those that we dream every single day with our eyes open and it takes a lot of love in our hearts and sincerity at work to get those dreams to become our most awaited reality. I have realised that 'LOVE' is the most over-used and yet NOT the most over-rated word in this world; and most of the people at my age probably dont really know what love is anyway, yet being in the feeling of love is almost a stepping stone to getting to know what it really is. I realise that Love is what You never get, unless You GIVE it from the bottom of ur heart and from the depth of ur soul. And Love never dies. No matter what. I realise that a man's arms around me or a child in my lap do not determine how worthy i am or how happy i will be. How well i treat people close to me and those who are not determines how worthy of being a good human being i am. I realise that having thousands of 'friends' commenting on what kind of a friend i am or commenting and keeping track of my status messages doesnt give me the misconception of a social life i have so that i may feel momentary happiness and delve in artificial identity and flaunting. A cup of tea with a friend when im sick and tired in my bed is all i need to know how much more meaningfully important i am for this person rather than just another 'face' to thousands of 'hungry for news' fellas out there. And finally i realise, there is no better friend than I for myself. I could cry and get devastated if something goes horribly wrong, i could laugh and feel joy when i want to bring a smile on someone's face, i could bicker endlessly about doing something i dont wanna do, or i could pray fervently for things to change , to become much better for me than they already are . But even if i do any of these , the beauty of being ME, remains untouched, un-imaginably extraordinary and charming; not for someone else, but for me , to feel within me, and enough for me to be proud of who i am. Maybe i follow the belief, 'Love yourself and you will know what it will take to love someone'. And today i grew a little more. I realised that life's mystical beauty will always exist whether im sad or happy, alone or with loved ones, it only takes a moment to realise Who i really am.

Who am i ?

Got a good lesson yesterday from a friend.Needed that one from a long time. Sometimes you just need to be happy without having anyone with you. And That is VERY VERY important for the soul to be liberated from dependancy and that longing for that someone to vent out our everyday defeats, long enduring struggles and fears of an extremely uncertain future to give us hope and instill faith like noone else can. And its not a great feat when u do this when u are alone, left with noone else, but when u have some souls who still care, yet u can be happy when ur with urself. You must live life with great passion and love in your heart without the fear that someone will break your trust or hurt your feelings and disappoint you. Eventually, well that will happen, or maybe not. But the point is You forgive as you journey through life, you forget some things that hurt you in the past, and sometimes you dont really forget them but you can just choose to walk away from those hurtful people or those memories. Of all the years that i have so far lived, have come face to face with affection, jealousy, anger, genuine friendship, strength of character , leadership and being a role model, importance of family, trustworthiness, love, care, selfishness, diplomacy and so many other emotions, learnings and different kinds of people who have played such an important role in my lifes story. Somehow i stand with all these , all these memories, learnings, meaningful and non-meaningful relationships, and somehow i am overwhelmed. I gather these plethora of emotions within me and i finally grow a little more today. I realise 'letting go' is what we do all the time, sometimes it must also be done when ur not ready, and sometimes is really an 'all or none principle' that works. I realise that my happiness is not dependant on whether i have someone to talk to or not ,because if i really need to talk it out , God has always taken care of it for me, have found someone or the other. I realise that real dreams are those that we dream every single day with our eyes open and it takes a lot of love in our hearts and sincerity at work to get those dreams to become our most awaited reality. I have realised that 'LOVE' is the most over-used and yet NOT the most over-rated word in this world; and most of the people at my age probably dont really know what love is anyway, yet being in the feeling of love is almost a stepping stone to getting to know what it really is. I realise that Love is what You never get, unless You GIVE it from the bottom of ur heart and from the depth of ur soul. And Love never dies. No matter what. I realise that a man's arms around me or a child in my lap do not determine how worthy i am or how happy i will be. How well i treat people close to me and those who are not determines how worthy of being a good human being i am. I realise that having thousands of 'friends' commenting on what kind of a friend i am or commenting and keeping track of my status messages doesnt give me the misconception of a social life i have so that i may feel momentary happiness and delve in artificial identity and flaunting. A cup of tea with a friend when im sick and tired in my bed is all i need to know how much more meaningfully important i am for this person rather than just another 'face' to thousands of 'hungry for news' fellas out there. And finally i realise, there is no better friend than I for myself. I could cry and get devastated if something goes horribly wrong, i could laugh and feel joy when i want to bring a smile on someone's face, i could bicker endlessly about doing something i dont wanna do, or i could pray fervently for things to change , to become much better for me than they already are . But even if i do any of these , the beauty of being ME, remains untouched, un-imaginably extraordinary and charming; not for someone else, but for me , to feel within me, and enough for me to be proud of who i am. Maybe i follow the belief, 'Love yourself and you will know what it will take to love someone'. And today i grew a little more. I realised that life's mystical beauty will always exist whether im sad or happy, alone or with loved ones, it only takes a moment to realise Who i really am.

Living in different worlds

For all of our days on earth that we have lived, i suddenly have realised that there is no real world in which we , you and me, all of us are a part of. What i mean to say is that each one of us is living in his or her own little world, where every lie, every dream and every truth has different interpretations, and hence are subjectively viewed. Your world may not be starkly different from mine but different it sure is. And thats why, when i dont understand what the other person is doing and why, its becos i cannot really live in that world of his. I only have to understand that point of view as something that i cant relate to but i need to live with.
Having a great time at home off late. . feels like its been ages since i felt happy at home.
This is too random a post, but thats how things are with me these days, Random.

You could be happy -- Snow patrol

The swivel of the dancer's pencil heels with the swiff of her long flurry satin ensemble, poised and measured, is almost like a fast paced dream gone all right. A new world of mystique , beautiful and distant. Its more like me, space and learning. The dance sometimes pauses, probably have forgotten the steps. Was taking some time to learn new ones. . .

New horizon

In the dawn of a new life,

I step with mysterious confidence

braced with lessons of the past

Learning and happy

For every little dream comes true

with even little fear and thought

I imagine with fearless hope

Competence and success

As the night fell, i renounce

My little dreading moments

Emerging with love and faith

I race with grace and calm

Free

Read this quote today, ' Remember that every man you meet fears something, loves something and has lost something'. Suddenly life's dynamics are changing...or are they really? Feel a sense of peace today. Peace of acceptance, peace of confidence and peace of No guilt. I am FREE. And no human has released me of this bondage, God and His plans have.

So finally i have now tasted fear, love and losing. and i smile. For the past few years i used to feel very alone, away from friends, from family , noone to talk to; even though everyone was really physically close to me. I could just walk into my house and feel wanted but unable to really look around and talk to anyone. I could meet a whole lot of friends and share a lot of happenings but was unable to let them in, into the wallows of my very own concerns, fears, happiness or my life. And now finally i know exactly what i need. I dont feel alone anymore.

i dont seek comfort from people around me or love from people i hold close. I still do very dearly keep them close to my heart, but i dont need them to make me feel important. For a long time i was left with feeling of being important to one too many people, and i now i am free. I am free.

I dont want to be a part of some people's lives anymore. Becos i have finally found solace in the small world i live in, where there are people whom i love who love me, and even if they dont understand my heart's cries , they are still there to carry my life's little musings with me. Peace. :)

14 months

Last Few days left. A journey of 14 months finally ( and hopefully) coming to an end. I wonder how much i have grown from time immemorial. I think it was more of an everyday struggle within me. It was nobody, no entity, no place of work that was putting down the constraints i used to feel , the pressure i used to breathe or the fear that gripped me with every task i did wrong. And if i really have to analyse what it all meant, It meant ' growing up' . Its easy to grow to grow up mentally and emotionally from a child to an Adult person, But very subtle and fast from an Adult to an ADULT. Because The jump from yesterday to today is deep rooted in what is offered to us around us.
These months have taught me a lot of patience. Perserverance pays. Yes it does but only if you find out ways for you to be rewarded. If i persevere, i also perspire to any option, any outlet for my reason to persevere to gain form and actually happen.
These months have taught me to not reveal that i fear. Even if i do fear from the deepest depths of my heart, i must still act as brave as i can. More than half of my problems end if i only show some brevity.
These months have taught me to keep my side without any fault, sincerity generally helps you with that. When there isnt anything you have done wrong, dont take the blame and dont take work that you think people are pushing on you.
These months have given me the biggest gift ever. My Confidence. Restored and Grown. If i can withstand these trying times of people i dont relate to or i dont care about, i can withstand more than i think.
Goodbye.

Forrest Gump

Watched this movie today and it really gave me all my answers especially the one i was asking Rahul Bose the other day at a training workshop. He probably didn't understand my question or maybe I didn't really explain it well. So anyway i didnt get my answer and God works in mysterious ways, He made sure i watched this movie today ( which happened by chance) and here i am feeling overwhelmed, impressed and little light at heart.

The movie is a story of a person who lives life without giving it much thought and yet with as much meaning as he can lend to it. He loves and cares , he's scared and sometimes angry, he's fearless and kind. He's innocent and confident. The best thing is he just glides through life without ever letting anything negative ever come in his way, He doesn't take criticism seriously and follows his heart.

You will probably feel im just giving you some cliched statements and advices but i loved the movie so much and it really touched my heart, and so i would just like to randomly talk abt a few realisations i had during the movie.

Most of us usually get real bogged down with our rational part of the brain, more so the part which tells us how practical or bad it could be or why its not such a good idea. Most of the times, if u think u like it, just do it. Who cares if u fail at it, at least u wont end up wondering 'What if ?'

If you dont hurt people knowingly, if you laugh well, smile all the time, do good, deal with whatever comes your way and make the best of what God has given you, there is no turning back and there is no failure.

One day at a Time

I'm only human, I'm just a woman.

Help me believe in what I could be

And all that I am.

Show me the stairway, I have to climb.

Lord for my sake, teach me to take

One day at a time.

Chorus: One day at a time sweet Jesus

That's all I'm asking from you.

Just give me the strength

To do everyday what I have to do.

Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus

And tomorrow may never be mine.

Lord help me today, show me the way

One day at a time.

Do you remember, when you walked among men?

Well Jesus you know if you're looking below

It's worse now, than then.

Cheating and stealing, violence and crime

So for my sake, teach me to take

One day at a time.

Service Road

The last few days have been very hectic. Have made a lot of effort to be happy, have tried to see to it that i stay positive and sane. Sometimes maintaining that balance becomes difficult. You know you need to keep your calm, and the more difficult it seems to do what you are so sure about. But its been good.

Have reinforced what i believed always; but had forgotten for a while. Never Fear Anything.
As long as you are sincere and you havent done anything wrong to anyone, you must not fear anyone, no matter at what rank a person is or no matter how much pressure you have to conform.

And secondly, Never give up. Its great a feeling when u dont give up besides the bad circumstances you face. Its like the feeling u get when u have a nice cold ice cream at the end of a tiring, sticky hot summer afternoon.

I have chosen this course becos i want to put myself to the test, i want to go through the grind. Because i know preachers/teachers need to feel the pulse , the blood , the sweat, before they go on to motivate, encourage or preach about whats cliche ( and of course, which is true). And i know ill not just survive, ill Live.

Lord Friend, be with me.

.

Changing ME

Feels like i have lost a part of me. The part that was the bestest part of me. There is something that defines everyone. And when that changes its bad enough. And When you know that something has changed, its worse.

Where is that confident, vibrant, energetic, positive, loving, assertive and full of life person gone? Why has some force, some person, some reason become so strong that it has tweaked what is within, transformed the good, the beautiful to something not exactly ugly, but into something so less deserving? There is happiness. But Somethings missing. Something internal, something that used to be a part of me or my principles has been blown away further at a distance.

Well, im not that worried though. Like they say, In life , There are just two ways you learn abt things. One is the shorter route; wherein you make the right decisions and everything goes exactly the way you wanted it or maybe it doesnt but the you dont really fall down that hard.
Second, you get really pushed down to the lowest lows and rise with the help of someone else's words, actions or strength. Either way, you have to go through what life has to offer. We dont really have an option to escape. Even if we do, its only going to worsen it.

So , i wil try to keep my inner soul just as it was. Pure and selfless .
3 new year commitments:
Self love
family
no weak substitutes for dealing with problems.

Im tired. want some good sleep.

random craziness

A fresh mug of coffee

silent smile

eyes full of hope

Laughter, mad laughter

Chicken tandoori

ghaati dance

2 states

paani poori

back pain

flying!!!

office ass^&*%es

happiness