Sweet memories i do not seek. Maybe its the fear that these memories will never come back again. Love in all its forms leads us to realize that we need this so much that we cant let go. Am trying to become the kind of person i really wanna become. Its difficult but great things are difficult to attain.
Am getting used to situations....and i dont think i should. It takes a lot of time and patience and pain to get used to things and one must not get out of that habit.
I sometimes feel very strong. I feel like that just as i cant stop tears flowing down my cheeks, there is someone , i think its God, holding me close and reassuring me that he is there....Today is Christmas....suddenly i remember many such christmases in the past when things were much happier than now...i love you guys...suddenly life has become a little complicated..its not tough but its just a little uncomfortable to live it the way it is.
I cant type anything further. Goodbye for now.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
listen to a song
Listen to the words that make my song...
there is something missing in the tune
maybe a light hearted humor and a great conversation
The night sky calls out to me
hold me and lets talk about how we could change the world
in the silence of the night and the chill of the winds
take me to a place from where i would never want to come back
a meaningful journey now taken.
lets run
lets race the pace of this fast moving world
and swwiissh across the boundaries
U understand, thats rare.
there is something missing in the tune
maybe a light hearted humor and a great conversation
The night sky calls out to me
hold me and lets talk about how we could change the world
in the silence of the night and the chill of the winds
take me to a place from where i would never want to come back
a meaningful journey now taken.
lets run
lets race the pace of this fast moving world
and swwiissh across the boundaries
U understand, thats rare.
Being 20 something
Read this somewhere....its so true!!!
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now?!
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
....What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing andfind yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person!!!!
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it.
We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
Being Twenty-Something
Must Read...They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now?!
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
....What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing andfind yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person!!!!
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it.
We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Happy children's day
When was it last when u were a child?..when all u feared was nothing and nothing feared you....when was it that you touched a wriggly worm and looked at it with amazement ,as though wondering how artistic and intelligent God can be?...how long has it been when u haven't bothered about the fork and the spoon and the stares of a neighboring aunty as you eat the way you want, sing the way you want, dance the way you want!....
Well, How carefree was Life...how beautiful, how nice.....my life is still like this...somehow it doesn't fit in with what people expect or believe...Not that i care...but when these are your close ones , you do...
Make me a child
That i may not know what fear is
That i may know what Beauty can be
that it may be as exhilarating as it is meant to be
that i may experience love , fearless and complete.......
Well, How carefree was Life...how beautiful, how nice.....my life is still like this...somehow it doesn't fit in with what people expect or believe...Not that i care...but when these are your close ones , you do...
Make me a child
That i may not know what fear is
That i may know what Beauty can be
that it may be as exhilarating as it is meant to be
that i may experience love , fearless and complete.......
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Till death do us apart
They say death is not the end. Then why do we cry and weep when a person parts away?.... Maybe i know the answer. Its because we found what we searched for always in everything we did, in everyone we met, in all the places, at work, in college, at home..... We searched for genuine love..we searched for people to love us despite knowing us, despite the fact that we ourselves will not love a person who is like us... We searched for those who cherished us, for those who care....
People say that humans want 3 things from life: Food , Money and fame.
another thing, like Mother Teresa said: genuine love. And we get that from the person who has just left us behind. Now i realize how the frivolous word 'PAIN' feels like.... I can feel a deep void in my heart and as i swallow my fear and fear the pain i will feel every second that passes i shudder to think what power death has.
If anyone thinks death liberates , it liberates the dead person and his close people. It liberated them from fear, the greatest fear that anyone has ever known.....of losing ones you love or rather those who love you.
Inexplicable sadness, irreparable damage, Love still there..... Life's Mystique beauty...Death's powerful spell...
People say that humans want 3 things from life: Food , Money and fame.
another thing, like Mother Teresa said: genuine love. And we get that from the person who has just left us behind. Now i realize how the frivolous word 'PAIN' feels like.... I can feel a deep void in my heart and as i swallow my fear and fear the pain i will feel every second that passes i shudder to think what power death has.
If anyone thinks death liberates , it liberates the dead person and his close people. It liberated them from fear, the greatest fear that anyone has ever known.....of losing ones you love or rather those who love you.
Inexplicable sadness, irreparable damage, Love still there..... Life's Mystique beauty...Death's powerful spell...
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
i Love me
Innocence is very difficult to find. People sometimes think its just being ignorant and stupid when people are innocent. Maybe , innocence is just so pure that very few understand it.
Deceiving people teach you to NOT TRUST anyone. To not give into feelings or be too close to anyone. To not let yourself be too honest with anyone. I wonder if escaping from hurt is a good option. It takes away a part of you that defines you. Makes you diplomatic, manipulative and mostly overly cautious.
You must be careful, u must be cautious no doubt. Just changing what you truly are doesn’t seem right. The world is a bad place, so I cant stay this good. WEIRD!
Paradise must be a place where everyone’s happy. I cant be happy with so many things in my head about how bad the world is, so how cautios I shud be. I will be careful but im this way and I don’t care if im hurt. Chances are I might just change the person’s intention to hurt me by being good to him. If I cant, That’s just the chance I have to take…
SMILING….im happy these days…LOTs of reasons…feel like a bird, like waves in the sea, like Me. Love the lightened roads and buildings during this diwali season. feel like breaking into a song as i walk the roads....and i suddenly start humming somethign...people staring....i smile....It confuses them....Life happening...
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
One moment
I have realised it doesnt take years to build or destroy. It takes just a moment.
It takes just a moment to let someone know that though you dont know what the future holds, It will be fine
It takes just a moment to assure a person that he can trust you and vice versa
It takes a moment to release yourself from all bonds, all attachments and be free
It takes just a moment to feel love
One moment to feel hatred and one moment to feel unwanted
One moment to make the biggest decision
One moment to break the years of security and comfort
Just One moment to remain
Just one moment to vanish
One moment to be.
It takes just a moment to let someone know that though you dont know what the future holds, It will be fine
It takes just a moment to assure a person that he can trust you and vice versa
It takes a moment to release yourself from all bonds, all attachments and be free
It takes just a moment to feel love
One moment to feel hatred and one moment to feel unwanted
One moment to make the biggest decision
One moment to break the years of security and comfort
Just One moment to remain
Just one moment to vanish
One moment to be.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
have you ever sung a song of happiness
and smiled at yourself at al stupidity
have you said, "who cares"
And fallen off a railing only to stop before you fall?
Have you ever wished you were wiser before
so you could have not been through shit
or wished you found people
who respected and valued your Love?
Have you always been searching without even realising
that a search never ends and what ends is greed
There will never be a limit to anything?
there will never be happiness?
Have you ever wondered why you changed from what you were
And that you were just escaping hurt
did you ever know, hurt is inescapable,
the only difference is with experience, u might just not show
Have you ever believed in something that did not hold true the last time u believed it was true?
have you given yourself another chance?
have you forgotten what blessings you have , in the pursuit of something better
Have you lost your sense of self
If you have, maybe something called LIFE is happening to you
And sometimes Shit must happen to keep you healthy
Its just your fearful mind
that stops you from reaching the skies...
and smiled at yourself at al stupidity
have you said, "who cares"
And fallen off a railing only to stop before you fall?
Have you ever wished you were wiser before
so you could have not been through shit
or wished you found people
who respected and valued your Love?
Have you always been searching without even realising
that a search never ends and what ends is greed
There will never be a limit to anything?
there will never be happiness?
Have you ever wondered why you changed from what you were
And that you were just escaping hurt
did you ever know, hurt is inescapable,
the only difference is with experience, u might just not show
Have you ever believed in something that did not hold true the last time u believed it was true?
have you given yourself another chance?
have you forgotten what blessings you have , in the pursuit of something better
Have you lost your sense of self
If you have, maybe something called LIFE is happening to you
And sometimes Shit must happen to keep you healthy
Its just your fearful mind
that stops you from reaching the skies...
Friday, October 10, 2008
Free
Leave the boundaries
And touch the darkness
believe the beyond
Someones waiting
A touch so insidious
A laugh so happy
i refuse
it waits
i send it away into more darkness
life is much more, i proclaim
I am free
Freedom is fragrant
I am free
a gift of freedom i give to myself
Nothing smells sweeter.
And touch the darkness
believe the beyond
Someones waiting
A touch so insidious
A laugh so happy
i refuse
it waits
i send it away into more darkness
life is much more, i proclaim
I am free
Freedom is fragrant
I am free
a gift of freedom i give to myself
Nothing smells sweeter.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Its All About Love baby
For all those days that you have taught me lessons, Thank you.
God's love is so wonderful(3)
there is a hymn like that , that we heard when we were in the first standard. As we stood aimlessly in the long assembly lines, pulling our ribbons and picking our noses, the meaning of this hymn was reduced to just a song that we sang at the start of each day and forgotten as soon as it got over.
Today, i think about Love. Love in its various forms. Romantic love, familial love, friendly love, student-teacher love, Just Love. Different forms lend diffeerent dimensions and different boundaries to each. And a word like love, is so frivolously used that i am ashamed to even try to define it or explain what i feel about this very much describable feeling someone called Love.
Familial love: Many say we have to love our families because everyone loves theirs. Maybe everyone always feels we are supposed to . That is not familial love. That is just a self imposition.
That is what many of us do or say or believe. My dad has done so much for me, i love him. My mom has done so much for me , so i love her. NO. You love her because you love her. You love your dad because you love him. There is No reason. There will never be one.
Romantic love: I see a lot of people around me in relationships. Some , i feel, will last really long. Some will not last. Others , no comments. Today a boyfriend/girlfriend is a more circumstantial result than a destined one. What makes you get into a relationship with someone? Ask yourself. Some say , because she understands me, i can talk to her, i can be myself.
Is it all about I , me , myself?
You love someone because you connect, Because you cant define why you would be willing to do everything for that person. Anything for that person. You love her/ him because you love her/him. There is No reason. There never will be one.
Love and its variants. Yet one emotion that seems inexplicable. One emotion that can be very easily explained. One feeling that is circumstantial in this world where without communication and being physically close , Love does not bloom. How can it not? Is Love a slave of proximity?
For most, maybe it is.
God's Love: Infinite, Forgiving, Unconditional, Universal.
God's love is so wonderful, i cant get enough of it..........music follows...
God's love is so wonderful(3)
there is a hymn like that , that we heard when we were in the first standard. As we stood aimlessly in the long assembly lines, pulling our ribbons and picking our noses, the meaning of this hymn was reduced to just a song that we sang at the start of each day and forgotten as soon as it got over.
Today, i think about Love. Love in its various forms. Romantic love, familial love, friendly love, student-teacher love, Just Love. Different forms lend diffeerent dimensions and different boundaries to each. And a word like love, is so frivolously used that i am ashamed to even try to define it or explain what i feel about this very much describable feeling someone called Love.
Familial love: Many say we have to love our families because everyone loves theirs. Maybe everyone always feels we are supposed to . That is not familial love. That is just a self imposition.
That is what many of us do or say or believe. My dad has done so much for me, i love him. My mom has done so much for me , so i love her. NO. You love her because you love her. You love your dad because you love him. There is No reason. There will never be one.
Romantic love: I see a lot of people around me in relationships. Some , i feel, will last really long. Some will not last. Others , no comments. Today a boyfriend/girlfriend is a more circumstantial result than a destined one. What makes you get into a relationship with someone? Ask yourself. Some say , because she understands me, i can talk to her, i can be myself.
Is it all about I , me , myself?
You love someone because you connect, Because you cant define why you would be willing to do everything for that person. Anything for that person. You love her/ him because you love her/him. There is No reason. There never will be one.
Love and its variants. Yet one emotion that seems inexplicable. One emotion that can be very easily explained. One feeling that is circumstantial in this world where without communication and being physically close , Love does not bloom. How can it not? Is Love a slave of proximity?
For most, maybe it is.
God's Love: Infinite, Forgiving, Unconditional, Universal.
God's love is so wonderful, i cant get enough of it..........music follows...
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Smile
Today was a Great day. A happy, insightful, thoughtful, introspective, lovely day. I have felt so many emotions today that i don't know what i must write about specifically.
I realize the importance of making choices knowing well their consequences. There are times when you make a choice, and you fully know that you wouldnt like the consequence in its entirety...you still wanna retain somethings that were....But u cannot and u shudnt expect to. Becos many a times, we want a little of everything but thats not possible. Its an all or none thing. And if you feel that any point in time you made the decision with your head , a decision that avoids any hurt, you must stick by it.
Of late im feeling jealous. Not that someone has better than i have, But becos i know that its my decsion that stops me from doing things which i wanna do and others dont think that way. They do what they want. I am not giving myself the freedom to feel that way...Hmm....no matter what , though, i wanna and i will deal with this feeling. Becos i cannot give myself that freedom, so i may as well change my attitude.
i have realized that the best way to be with anyone is to be close and yet not be close. Works big time!... at least u can avoid un-necessary trouble that way...
Today was a Great day. A happy, insightful, thoughtful, introspective, lovely day. I have felt so many emotions today that i don't know what i must write about specifically.
I realize the importance of making choices knowing well their consequences. There are times when you make a choice, and you fully know that you wouldnt like the consequence in its entirety...you still wanna retain somethings that were....But u cannot and u shudnt expect to. Becos many a times, we want a little of everything but thats not possible. Its an all or none thing. And if you feel that any point in time you made the decision with your head , a decision that avoids any hurt, you must stick by it.
Of late im feeling jealous. Not that someone has better than i have, But becos i know that its my decsion that stops me from doing things which i wanna do and others dont think that way. They do what they want. I am not giving myself the freedom to feel that way...Hmm....no matter what , though, i wanna and i will deal with this feeling. Becos i cannot give myself that freedom, so i may as well change my attitude.
i have realized that the best way to be with anyone is to be close and yet not be close. Works big time!... at least u can avoid un-necessary trouble that way...
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Lifes lessons
Life teaches us so much that sometimes i feel i should shout out loud and say STOP!. I dont wanna know what u wanna teach me, i dont wanna go thru shit to realise that i am stronger a person , when i deal with it...just let me be; ill be fine.
But life doesnt leave u and u are just stranded there to figure out which way to use to get out of the mess u are in. Well.. have learnt a lot in these past few months.
I have understood that , sometimes, u do findgenuine, caring people in ur live who call themselves ur friends, But sometimes they dont understand what u need and u dont wanna give them what they expect. The best thing to do is to let go.
Even if u really want somethings to work out, they never will, so let them pass.
At the end of the day, even tho people might say a lot of things abt u, they might tel u that u dont know what u want, Believe in urself. Because ones who say this much and leave u are not ones who care, They are there to just ridicule you to satisfy their own egos.
Love yourself. DO what it takes to keep ur conscience clear. Be with people who love u for u being u. Choose ur crowd.
But life doesnt leave u and u are just stranded there to figure out which way to use to get out of the mess u are in. Well.. have learnt a lot in these past few months.
I have understood that , sometimes, u do findgenuine, caring people in ur live who call themselves ur friends, But sometimes they dont understand what u need and u dont wanna give them what they expect. The best thing to do is to let go.
Even if u really want somethings to work out, they never will, so let them pass.
At the end of the day, even tho people might say a lot of things abt u, they might tel u that u dont know what u want, Believe in urself. Because ones who say this much and leave u are not ones who care, They are there to just ridicule you to satisfy their own egos.
Love yourself. DO what it takes to keep ur conscience clear. Be with people who love u for u being u. Choose ur crowd.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Random thots
Its been a triring day at college....but an entertaining one....i was travelling in a train the other day...overthe water on a bridge...Distant skies and calm tempting waters calling out to me....teh serenity that i felt as the wind touched my face and my grip of the train pole strengthened, was indescribable.
IT feels like , i think, the same way when we are in love. Not the initial excitement, or the uphoria of being in love. Its a feeling of calm. Have you ever seen still water in a river birds chirping in the cool breeze? Love feels like that. You dont always like the calm.....but its this inner serenity that people look out for. After a relationship after a long long time....finally u feel this peace...U know that Love still exists..in a deeper, more meaningful way.. It makes more sense...makes sense in a different way...u feel u made the right decision...
I can relate to nature as though its a teacher..as tho God has put these signs in nature to teach me about life....about Love....Maybe it has already started its course.
IT feels like , i think, the same way when we are in love. Not the initial excitement, or the uphoria of being in love. Its a feeling of calm. Have you ever seen still water in a river birds chirping in the cool breeze? Love feels like that. You dont always like the calm.....but its this inner serenity that people look out for. After a relationship after a long long time....finally u feel this peace...U know that Love still exists..in a deeper, more meaningful way.. It makes more sense...makes sense in a different way...u feel u made the right decision...
I can relate to nature as though its a teacher..as tho God has put these signs in nature to teach me about life....about Love....Maybe it has already started its course.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Rains!!....rains remind me of wonderful times two years ago....four of us, bandstand, ring, mochas......memories...so many of them keep coming to flooding to me!....what fun days those were...Im so glad for my long term memory....goood memories always stay and make us feel so blessed!..and bad memories, well , make us feel ......really grown up!... :)
Friday, June 6, 2008
i found this somewhere....i loved it
“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not. Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not. The world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence, determination and hard work make the difference.”
Cliche, yes, but sometimes its nice to try and speak every word in your head and understand them. Nothing makes more sense.
“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not. Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not. The world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence, determination and hard work make the difference.”
Cliche, yes, but sometimes its nice to try and speak every word in your head and understand them. Nothing makes more sense.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
5th JUNE, 2008
They say that you always find what you seek. If you seek happiness, you'l find it. If you seek success or God or love, someday or the other you will find it.
People spend all their lives toiling away to achieve , what according to them, can give them what they want. An endless search for meaning only gives rise to confused state of mind and a discouraged heart that knows not what it finally wants to achieve.
Complexities in the simplicities of life are either mind boggling or mind numbing.
Sometimes , though, i think searching is good. If not anything else, We have something to search for. Wont it be worse if we think we have everything we will ever need. No struggles true, and with it, NO dreams, no frustrations, no hopes, no toiling....nothing. Maybe then, searching is good.
Complexities, at least are better than a boring life, where everything is so predictable.
Again the balance of life...hmmm....its interesting how we all have the answers already.
Its all there right in front of us...Or maybe its just this blog, i start with a question and end up getting my answer?...lol.
People spend all their lives toiling away to achieve , what according to them, can give them what they want. An endless search for meaning only gives rise to confused state of mind and a discouraged heart that knows not what it finally wants to achieve.
Complexities in the simplicities of life are either mind boggling or mind numbing.
Sometimes , though, i think searching is good. If not anything else, We have something to search for. Wont it be worse if we think we have everything we will ever need. No struggles true, and with it, NO dreams, no frustrations, no hopes, no toiling....nothing. Maybe then, searching is good.
Complexities, at least are better than a boring life, where everything is so predictable.
Again the balance of life...hmmm....its interesting how we all have the answers already.
Its all there right in front of us...Or maybe its just this blog, i start with a question and end up getting my answer?...lol.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
CRAP
I find it amazing how little bees playfully run around and suck up all the nectar of every pretty little flower they find down below. i think of the pain that the flowers go thru as the bees suck out the sweet juices and once satiated fly past with no hint of gratitude.
Shameless and insensitive.
Maybe this world isn't that bad a place after all. just like the bees sucking nectar are part of the natural biological cycle, many of the things that we , as humans, go through might just be a way to strike some sort of a balance.
Like , for e.g. , Look at the young graduated students, struggling to find a job, their struggles , pain, worries only makes it more worthwhile to achieve their dreams and when they finally do achieve them, that feeling is indescribable!
.......feel like breaking into A SONG suddenly..
I looked at the water running from the tap
becos i was bored of writing this crap
Im bored now i have nothing else to do
im cleaning my ear and tapping my shoe!
I think my blog reader is never going to read my blog, sigh!
maybe thats becos im high on life now...high high!!
YEAH crapppy........
Shameless and insensitive.
Maybe this world isn't that bad a place after all. just like the bees sucking nectar are part of the natural biological cycle, many of the things that we , as humans, go through might just be a way to strike some sort of a balance.
Like , for e.g. , Look at the young graduated students, struggling to find a job, their struggles , pain, worries only makes it more worthwhile to achieve their dreams and when they finally do achieve them, that feeling is indescribable!
.......feel like breaking into A SONG suddenly..
I looked at the water running from the tap
becos i was bored of writing this crap
Im bored now i have nothing else to do
im cleaning my ear and tapping my shoe!
I think my blog reader is never going to read my blog, sigh!
maybe thats becos im high on life now...high high!!
YEAH crapppy........
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